In the summer of 1992, as I was floundering between unwatchable Euro-pudding films and unwatchable low-budget miniseries, I was absolutely flabbergasted when my then-agent, a poisonous little madman, sent me a really good script.

1992 年夏天， 当我在无法观看的欧洲布丁电影和无法观看的低成本迷你剧之间徘徊时，我当时的经纪人，一个恶毒的小疯子，给我发来了一个非常好的剧本， 这让我大吃一惊。

I thought there'd been a mistake.

我以为是一个错误。

That had actually happened a few years earlier with another film, which was meant for Tom Cruise.

事实上，几年前在另一部为汤姆·克鲁斯拍摄的电影中就发生过这样的事情。

But he sent me this very good script, and it had a great part, and it was called Four Weddings and a Funeral.

但他给我发了这个非常好的剧本，它有一个很好的部分， 叫做《四个婚礼和一个葬礼》。

I went to the audition and, frankly, I was rather good.

我去参加了试镜，坦白说，我表现得相当不错。

And it was lovely because the director, Mike Newell, liked me and wanted me.

这真是太好了，因为导演迈克·纽维尔喜欢我并且需要我。

And the producer liked me and wanted me.

制片人也喜欢我并且想要我。

And the money people wanted me.

钱的人想要我。

And the only person who didn't want me, and in fact took such an instant and violent dislike to me, that he did everything in his power to stop me getting the part, was the writer.

而唯一一个不想要我的人，事实上， 他立刻就对我产生了强烈的厌恶，以至于他竭尽全力阻止我获得这个角色，这个人就是编剧。

And it is this arsehole who we are going to honour tonight.

而我们今晚要纪念的正是这个混蛋。

Four weddings really represented only about the halfway point of what was already a repulsively successful career.

四场婚礼实际上只代表了已经令人厌恶的成功职业生涯的一半。

Pretty much everything that had been even remotely funny on British television in the preceding 15 years had either been written or co-written by this person.

在过去的 15 年里，英国电视上几乎所有有趣的内容要么是由这个人编写的，要么是与他人合作编写的。

But now he was choosing to refocus his massive brain and his not-at-all-clean and, in fact, broken national health glasses on writing film scripts.

但现在，他选择将他那巨大的大脑和那副一点也不干净、事实上已经破损的国民健康眼镜重新集中在编写电影剧本上。

First of all, he wrote Four Weddings.

首先，他写了《四个婚礼》。

Then he wrote Notting Hill.

然后他写了《诺丁山》。

Then he co-wrote Bridget Jones.

随后他与他人合作创作了《BJ单身日记》。

And then he wrote Love Actually.

然后他写了《真爱至上》。

And all of them were massive successes.

并且它们都获得了巨大的成功。

Massive successes, despite, of course, having the wrong actor in one of the lead roles.

尽管其中一个主角选错了演员，但该片仍然取得了巨大的成功。

I suppose it just shows you the quality of the writing.

我想这只是表明了写作的质量。

Well done.

做得好。

He also, of course, went on to direct his own films, and you would think that given that most of his films were about love, that he would have been, or would have had as a directorial style, he would have been gentle and soft, perhaps loving.

当然，他也继续执导自己的电影，你可能会想，鉴于他的大部分电影都是关于爱情的，他的导演风格会是温柔、柔和的，或许是充满爱意的。

You would have been quite wrong.

那你就大错特错了。

Forever etched on my heart are some of the notes he gave me, including, and now to a funny one.

他给我的一些便条永远铭刻在我的心里，其中包括一张有趣的便条。

And don't worry, we can cut round you.

别担心，我们可以绕过你。

Anyway, while all this was going on, not content with saving the British film industry, he decided he also had to try and save the whole bloody world.

无论如何， 当这一切发生时，他并不满足于拯救英国电影业，他决定他也必须尝试拯救整个血腥的世界。

Something I found annoying.

有些事让我很恼火。

Because there I would be in one of the lulls in my career because of some flop or some arrest or whatever.

因为有时我会因为失败、被捕或其他原因陷入职业生涯的低谷。

And I'd be frankly desperate for Richard's next film and I'd be told I'm sorry he's away for a year in Africa saving starving children.

坦白说，我非常期待理查德的下一部电影，但我对他离开非洲一年去拯救饥饿儿童感到遗憾。

I found that annoying and frankly selfish.

我发现这很烦人,而且坦率地说很自私。

And then, of course, we all started getting roped into his fundraising.

然后，当然，我们都开始参与他的筹款活动。

And I imagine that half this room includes some of his victims.

我可以想象这个房间里有一半的人都是他的受害者。

Every two years, you'd come to dread the phone call, could you possibly put on this little red nose and, I don't know, mud wrestle with Colin Firth while Maggie Smith plays the bongos or something?

每两年，你都会害怕接到电话，你是否可能戴上这个小红鼻子，然后，我不知道，和科林·菲尔斯在泥里摔跤， 而玛吉·史密斯则演奏手鼓或类似的东西？

Or would it be alright if we filmed you having your buttocks waxed by Tony Blair?

或者如果我们拍摄托尼·布莱尔给你的臀部打蜡的画面可以吗？

It was that sort of thing.

就是那样的事。

And the answer was, you know, I did mind.

答案是，你知道，我确实介意。

It was awful.

这太可怕了。

And it was relentless.

并且它是无情的。

It was a nightmare.

这真是一场噩梦。

And in the end, I offered him an enormous check to just go away and never do it again.

最后，我给了他一张巨额支票，让他离开并且不再犯这种事。

He never asked me again to do anything silly like that.

他再也没有要求我做那样愚蠢的事。

A deal he accepted and then broke his word over and over and over again, which is in fact why I'm standing here before you tonight.

他接受了交易， 然后又一次又一次地违背诺言，这实际上就是我今晚站在这里的原因。

But I will say this, I am in fact delighted and of course honored to be here and to be giving you, Dickie, where are you?

但我要说的是， 事实上，我很高兴，当然也很荣幸能来到这里，并告诉你，Dickie， 你在哪里？

There you are, this Oscar.

这就是奥斯卡奖。

Would we call it an Oscar?

我们会称其为奥斯卡奖吗？

It's a kind of Oscar, isn't it?

这是一种奥斯卡奖，不是吗？

It's a better than nothing Oscar.

总比没有获得奥斯卡奖要好。

Listen, I do.

听着，我知道。

I love him very much.

我非常爱他。

And I think that you and I need to do one more film before we get dragged and dropped to the great junk folder in the sky.

我认为你和我需要再拍一部电影，否则我们就会遭到拖拽，并被扔进天空中的垃圾文件夹。

I don't know what it could be.

我不知道那会是什么。

It could be four funerals and a wedding.

这可能是四场葬礼和一场婚礼。

It could be...

可能是...

Bridget Jones's diaper.

布里奇特琼斯的尿布。

But we should do something.

但我们应该做点什么。

And meanwhile, here is a little film which is all about you, and in particular, it's about your goodness, which seems to be, like the great actress who we both so admired as young men, insatiable.

与此同时， 这里有一部关于你的小电影，特别是关于你的善良，就像我们年轻时非常崇拜的伟大女演员一样， 永不满足。