Isabella Would RATHER NOT

By Jessica Kautz

Art by Paula Bossio

伊莎贝拉简直受够了弟弟詹姆斯。他总是提出一些稀奇古怪的问题，比如：你宁愿选择打嗝一整年，还是选择身体上有个发痒的地方，但一整年都挠不到？或者，你宁愿穿尺寸偏小的正常衣服，还是穿一套非常舒适的小丑装，直到永远？她快被这些问题烦死了。她试图制止弟弟，但是完全没有用，他反而更兴奋。伊莎贝拉希望妈妈能劝阻弟弟，但妈妈似乎并不太在意，反倒觉得詹姆斯的问题有点创意。这天，他们在外婆家准备吃晚饭，詹姆斯又开始喋喋不休地抛出在伊莎贝拉看来简直就是粗鲁至极的问题，但外婆似乎很乐意参与问答，妈妈也加入其中。晚餐在欢声笑语中结束。尽管伊莎贝拉并未参与饭桌上的问答，但也许受到餐桌上气氛的影响，临睡前姐弟之间的对话似乎透露出两人开始理解彼此……

“Would you rather have the hiccups for one whole year?” James asked his sister. “Or have an itchy spot you can’t scratch for that same amount of time?”

Isabella stared out the car window and sighed. They had just set out on a road trip to visit Grandma, and James was trying to play his favorite game. Again.

“How about this?” he persisted. “Would you rather wear normal-looking clothes that were a size too small? Or a clown outfit that was really comfortable? But you’d have to wear it forever!”

Isabella closed her eyes.

“Here’s an easier one. Would you rather spend a night in a bat-filled cave or in a house that people say is haunted?” James asked. “And you can’t say neither.”

Isabella groaned. “James! Please stop.”

“Just answer them,” he pleaded. “And you know you can make up some for me too. The more terrible they are, the better!”

“Sorry. I’m taking a nap,” Isabella said and put on her headphones. “Wake me up when we stop at the gas station.”

An hour later, they pulled in to refuel. Mom filled the tank, then they all headed inside to use the restroom.

On the way out of the restroom, after washing his hands, James asked, “Would you rather smell like gasoline all day or like this stinky gas-station soap?” He sniffed. “It’s like bandages mixed with window cleaner.”

Mom said they could pick out a few snacks before they got back into the car. As they walked down the aisle, James said, “How about this, Iz? Would you rather eat cheese puffs soaked in orange juice or popcorn soaked in milk?”

“Mom,” Isabella whined as their mother joined them in line to pay. “Will you please make him stop?”

Mom laughed. “Oh, Izzy. He just wants to play with you. And you have to admit, his questions are pretty creative.”

After the pit stop, they continued on. They arrived at Grandma’s house just before dinnertime. Grandma’s dogs ran out to greet them, barking and wagging their tails.

“So happy you’re here!” Grandma called. “Come sit in the living room and I’ll get you something to drink.”

As they waited, James smiled and said, “Would you rather have to wear Grandma’s ratty pink slippers as your only shoes for the rest of your life? Or her big mud boots?”

Izzy hissed, “James! Rude!”

Grandma walked in just then with a tray of lemonade. “Oh, definitely the ratty slippers for me,” she said with a grin. “What about you, Mary?”

Mom said, “Ratty slippers for me too. James?”

James beamed. “I’m more of a boots guy. I really like stomping around in the mud.”

Isabella just shook her head.

Over dinner that night, Grandma and Mom continued to join in the fun.

Before setting down the mashed potatoes, Grandma asked, “Kids, if you had to choose, would you rather take a bath in mashed potatoes or drive through a mashed-potatoes snowstorm?”

Later, as Mom brought a bite of salad to her lips, she asked, “Would you rather have to use a fork or a spoon for every single meal?”

As they cleaned up, James asked, “Would you rather wash the dishes of a thousand elves or of one really big giant?”

Isabella fought back a chuckle, although she still wouldn’t play along.

Yet.

But that night while James and Isabella lay in Mom’s old bunk beds, Isabella said, “James?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he replied, almost asleep.

“Would you rather have a really fun sister who’s always a good sport? Or are you OK with me?”

“I’m OK with you, Iz,” he said.

“I’m OK with you too,” she replied. “And for what it’s worth, I’d choose Grandma’s mud boots too.”

He snickered.

“And,” she continued, “I could probably play a couple of rounds with you on the way home. As long as you also give me a little time to chill out without talking.”

“It’s a deal!” said James.

本文刊登在《英语沙龙》（原版阅读）2024年7月刊